3 Insightful Questions to Help Self Feedback and Self Awareness
A Case Study: Aisling’s Story: “You’re Not Creative”. The Worst Thing Anyone Has Ever Said To Me.
Has someone ever said something that really upset you? Maybe you felt it was unfair or untrue and that you didn’t deserve it. The person may have had good intentions in saying what they said, or maybe they didn’t. They may or may not have known the in the moment and/or the lasting impact of their words. The chances are the person didn’t truly know or understand you.
What’s the Worst Thing Anyone Has Ever Said To You? are people’s stories of when someone said something to them, that at best upset them in the moment, and took them a little while to let go of and move on from, or at worst it stayed with them for many years, causing a negative impact throughout their WorkLife.
Words have consequences, they have power, a power that can be used to knock down or to build up. Wisdom, Truth and Self-Awareness are the arch-rivals to words and feedback that have caused a person to be knocked down. They are the superpowers that will build people up again.
“You’re Not Creative”
These words stunned Aisling into silence, she couldn’t believe Max, the person she was having a meeting over coffee with, actually thought this of her. She felt the words were unfair. She hadn’t invited this unsolicited feedback. Although she didn’t speak any words in response, the look on her face obviously spoke volumes, as Max tried to recover from what he said. But let’s back up a bit to her story:
Aisling’s Story: “You’re Not Creative.”The Worst Thing Anyone Has Ever Said To Me
Aisling worked for several years as a WorkLife Learning Practitioner, helping people manage, develop and transition their WorkLives. She was in the early stages of developing her work further, and with a team of performing, visual and literary artists, she had created workplace theatre. Theatrical productions written following research into organisational challenges and desired outcomes. The plays formed the centrepiece of learning and development, stimulating discussion and debate.
The next steps were to develop an online platform bringing learning, the arts and technology together to support individuals in their WorkLife development. Aisling was meeting with Max to discuss how to do this. They had worked together before. He’s an actor with a background in graphic design.
Aisling was talking about what she could bring to the project. She doesn’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something about creativity, to which Max blurted out those fateful words: “You’re not creative!” As mentioned earlier, while Aisling was stunned into silence and didn’t respond with words, her facial response obviously spoke volumes as Max tried to recover, saying: “I think of you as being honest, trustworthy, caring, I just don’t think of you as being creative.” Aisling was still dumbstruck.
Somehow the conversation moved forward, and as it did she came to realise that Max didn’t actually know her very well; and Aisling realised she was partly responsible for that because she doesn’t tend to talk about her work because she thinks her work should talk for itself. But it was very apparent it hadn’t talked to Max. Anyway, they got through the meeting, discussed what they needed to discuss, agreed what they needed to do next, and said their goodbyes.
As Aisling walked home, she was mulling things over in her mind. During the meeting, it had become very apparent that Max hadn’t taken the time to discover anything about her, over and above the work they had done together, nor did he see beyond what was in front of his eyes.
How to Overcome Being Crushed by Unfair Words and Unsolicited Feedback
3 Insightful Questions to Help Self Feedback and Self Awareness
There was a time when this would have crushed Aisling. But because she practices self-awareness and self-feedback through self-questioning, it didn’t. She asked herself:
Is what Max said true?
If yes, why?
If no, why not?
This is the answer that came to her:
I believe what’s most creative about me and my approach to my work, is that I see connections between the detail and the bigger picture, I see what’s possible, I see people’s potential, I enable people to see things in new and different ways. I know this because people tell me, it’s what they say is creative about me.
Then as Aisling continued her walk home, something that later became very surreal happened. It was late in the evening, and the streets were a little deserted, but on a well-trodden London footpath, there was a book on the ground. There was no one around who could have dropped it, so she picked it up and brought it home.
Book Wisdom
The book was It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be, By Paul Arden. It’s quite a quick read filled with quotes and short stories, and so Aisling read it immediately on getting home. This is where the surrealism happened, with these words of wisdom:
“The most popular conception of creativity is that it’s something to do with the arts.
Nonsense.
Creativity is imagination, and imagination is for everyone.”
Sage Wisdom
Aisling shared what had happened with Max with her dear and wise friend Christina, who knew her and her work very well. Christina was a little outraged on Aisling’s behalf, asking if he actually knew anything about her work. Wanting to ensure she didn’t dwell on this, Christina also pointed out other areas where she considered her to be creative, e.g. Aisling enjoys cooking and when she has friends round, she likes to make it an experience: the setting, the food, the drinks, and so on. Christina was, in effect, reinforcing Aisling’s belief that there are many ways in which people are creative.
Words of Wisdom
Creativity exists in people in every walk of life, at every WorkLife stage, not just in the creative industries. Creativity means something different to different people.
Today’s Featured Book is: It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want To Be by Paul Arden
WorkLife Book Wisdom Stories:
The intention of the stories I share is to inspire you through people’s stories of their WorkLife experiences. Through these stories, you will learn about people’s dreams and ambitions, along with the challenges, obstacles, failures and successes they encountered along the road of their WorkLife journey. And how they used the power of book wisdom to help them find the inspiration and guidance to navigate their path to live their WorkLife with passion, purpose and pride.
My hope is that these book wisdom stories will help you throughout the chapters of your WorkLife Story.
I believe stories are a powerful mechanism for teaching, a powerful medium to learn through, and a powerful way to communicate who you are and what you stand for.
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POSTSCRIPT
This story was originally published on 5/4/21. I needed to republish it to add updates and also to tell you
… The Continuing Story …
The pandemic brought about a change in my WorkLife from delivering in-person individual coaching sessions and group workshops to creating resources to help people self direct their WorkLife learning.
In the last three years, I’ve published 30 books and over 200 stories.
Each book and each story is based on real life struggles and successes that people have encountered in their WorkLife. They also detail the exercises that helped navigate through these situations, which are set as assignments for readers to adapt to their WorkLife situations and learning needs.
I believe stories are a powerful mechanism for teaching, a powerful medium to learn through, and a powerful way to communicate who you are and what you stand for.
My inspiration for creating my work comes from a lifelong passion for learning. My work has taught me that the one thing in life that can never be taken away from you is your learning.
School of WorkLife Guiding Statement: To create resources that are helpful, insightful and inspiring in helping people to pursue their WorkLives with greater clarity, purpose, passion and pride by creating continuous WorkLife learning programmes and resources that are accessible to everyone.
The resources I create will help you take ownership of self directing your learning in your own space and in your own time.
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School of WorkLife helps you self-direct your WorkLife learning through resources that have been created to help you to take ownership of your learning in your own space and in your own time.
What is Self Directed Learning?
Self-Directed Learning is when an individual is motivated to take the initiative and responsibility on decisions related to their own learning. It is a series of independent actions and judgements free from external control and constraint.
Resources to Help You Self-Direct Your Learning
You may find the books below from The School of WorkLife Book Series helpful in meeting your learning needs as a self directed learner. Tap the book title to see a preview of what’s inside each book.
How To Embrace The Superpower of Self-Awareness
How To Fine-Tune The Superpower of Observation
How To Use Your Voice To Express and Protect Your Identity
Tap The School of WorkLife Book Series to view the complete collection of books. From here, you can tap on each individual title to see a preview of what’s inside each book.
Carmel O’ Reilly is a learning practitioner and writer. She creates resources to help people self-direct their WorkLife learning. These include a Collection of Books which originated from her first book, Your WorkLife Your Way and a Learn Through Reading Series of Case Studies. which originated from her latest book WorkLife Book Club.
That’s the power of writing (and reading, which is an integral part of the craft for writers). It helps you find, develop and tell the right story at the right time in all WorkLife situations – in day-to-day communication: WorkLife and feedback conversations, presentations, talks, and negotiations, at interviews, and when socialising and networking in building and maintaining good relationships. The practice of writing helps you to tell the stories that express who you are in an interesting and engaging way.