One Had an Immediate and Long Lasting Effect the Other I Don’t Know
I was walking along the street the other day, and I saw a young man who thought it was OK to take a photo of a young woman’s breasts. He then proceeded to share the photo – I know this because when his friend tried to speak to him, he responded, saying, “Hang on a sec, let me send this.'” (Before he took the photo, he had nudged his friend to look at the young woman’s breasts). The friend, in fairness, didn’t participate in this pervy behaviour, but nor did he speak up.
So I did.
I said to him, “They’re called breasts. People who leer at them are called perverts.”
And then I ran!
Nah, not really.
I stood my ground and waited for his response ..,
Which was …
… Wait for it …
… A vacant look.
Or a non-response, really.
Why do people think it’s OK to objectify people for how they look?
Whether it’s positively or negatively.
THAT’S NOT OK.
It’s an Ism – Bodyism.
It stops people from being seen for who they truly are – what’s inside their minds and hearts (the good, the bad and the banal).
All Isms are wrong – whether it’s Bodyism, Racism, Ageism, Sexism …
They are unkind, and they are ignorant.
They can cause hurt, and they can cause harm.
THAT’S NOT OK.
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Funny how one thing reminds you of another ….
A Story from Times Gone By …
I once worked in a Builders Merchants – so, lots of guys, and lots of ‘banter’.
It was the 1980s when page 3 girls hung on canteen walls …
Not much has changed in forty years, eh! When it comes to objectifying women and perving over their breasts …
But I digress … back to the story I was reminded of …
One of my colleagues was a guy called Eddie. Eddie had a rather large bottom, and without fail, every time he walked past one of the guys (colleague or customer), they would shout after him …
“G’wan Eddie with you big, fat arse.”
Until one day when …
Eddie stopped, slowly turned and calmly said, …
“It takes a big hammer to drive a big nail.”
It brought about laughter in the moment.
But more than that, it had a long lasting effect of quickly shutting the guys down.
Because as soon as one of them said it again, Eddie, without needing to repeat the words, would glance in the direction of their derrière, sigh and give them a knowingly, pitiful look.
Because well, none could ever match the magnificence of Eddie’s rather splendid bottom.
Everyone knew what his pitiful glance really meant, and the perpetrator became the butt of their own joke.
……………………………………………………………………..
Eddies words had an immediate and long lasting effect.
That’s the great thing about bringing humour to a situation.
It has the power to call out and cut through all kinds of bad behaviours.
But, alas, my wit failed me in the moment …
Or maybe my words did or will have some effect … or maybe not … I don’t know …
……………………………………………………………
This story is about one human being objectifying another human being (and perving).
It’s not about singling out men or women.
Today’s stories just happen to be about men objectifying/perving women and men.
But women do it too – they also objectify/perv women and men for their appearance.
They also engage in the practice of Bodyism.
Fellow Human Beings, THAT’S NOT OK.
In 2 Stories of Bodyism Objectifying People Because of Their Appearance, I shared the stories of women practising bodyism towards women and men.
And now I’ve now shared today’s stories too.
I hesitated at first for fear of getting into trouble with the ‘Bottom and Breast police.’
‘Butt’ I’ve managed to escape that ‘Boobie’ trap.
So Far …
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Carmel O’ Reilly is a learning practitioner and writer. She creates resources to help people self-direct their WorkLife learning. These include a Collection of Books which originated from her first book, Your WorkLife Your Way and a Learn Through Reading Series of Case Studies. which originated from her latest book WorkLife Book Club.
That’s the power of writing (and reading, which is an integral part of the craft for writers). It helps you find, develop and tell the right story at the right time in all WorkLife situations – in day-to-day communication: WorkLife and feedback conversations, presentations, talks, and negotiations, at interviews, and when socialising and networking in building and maintaining good relationships. The practice of writing helps you to tell the stories that express who you are in an interesting and engaging way.